The Pest has a health care plan

The Pest isn't a politician, an insurance broker or a medical professional. Yet he demonstrated for me today his own version of health care and I'm here to tell you that it worked for me.

When his stomach alarm goes off at 6:00 am every morning, his first action is to come wake me up. Today, while loading up his food and water bowl, I realized that I wasn't feeling very well and decided that I'd better go back to bed. Rest and recuperation were all I needed, for sure. But there is no I in Team, and the Pest thought that meant he (also not in Team) would assure that I was cared for all day.

As I said before he is not a doctor or nurse and yet he has a wonderful bedside manner. He sits beside my bed with his chin resting on the mattress in a manner to completely guilt you out of not getting up to play or not inviting him up in bed with you. I knew I wasn't getting up today. So inviting him up to snuggle was the only other option he presented. But I didn't want to do that because he's a bed hog. Or rather bed HOG. He can't lay next to me and let me rub his ears or his tummy ... he has to lay across the bed, cutting my sleeping space into a one-quarter of the bed square. And then he pushes against me with his back legs, his head and tongue dangling off one side of the mattress and his hindquarters determined to eject me out the other side. No Pest, you can't get up here, go get your ball.

His ball. Now, that brings us to the second point of his health care plan: "Visiting hours at the hospital". I have had no rest today to go along with my recuperating because The Pest and his orange ball have been non-stop visitors. He chews on it for a while and once it's slimy and disgusting he drops it on the bed next to me. Nice. I wonder if the Dog Whisperer could teach him how to bring flowers or candy next time he visits the sick. No magazines though because he shreds those up and chews the pages like gum leaving gooey wads somewhere you step on them in your bare feet.

And thirdly, his plan for physical therapy: Keep the patient moving. The Pest first instigated a Tug of War, or maybe it was Tag You're It. Whatever he called it, it most certainly was not "Keep Away" because he didn't. In this exercise, first he deposits the ball on my face, then I take it and say "Here you go boy. Go play with your ball". He gives me the big eyes which means "No, YOU play with me". I've received this message before and try putting the ball into his mouth while saying "Go on now, go play" to which he replies, with a big smiley pant "That's NOT what I have in mind." Now I respond and yes, this IS my final answer "That's enough pal, now take your ball and go on." I punctuate my point by tossing the orange ball off my bed and down on the floor. I'm sure he'd have gotten my hint that time, if only the ball didn't roll under the armoire. So he lays on the floor barking and barking and persistantly barking at it.

In the end, I must admit that his health care plan worked. Just look, I am up and out of bed, obeying the "doctors" orders. Here's you ball, Pest.