Pest Control

"The Pest isn't a bad dog, he's just naughty. And though he does seem to get into a lot of trouble, it's just a healthy curiousity and adventurous nature. He is wild but in the sweetest sense and he is crazy though in a very charming way." Those are a few of the things I say, as all parents do, to explain away the fact that my "child" needs some control.

It's not that I want The Pest to do circus tricks. I'm not interested in job-ing him out as entertainment for children's parties. He has little to no self-control and so shaping his behavior is left up to me and my opinion is that if I could teach him some restraint when it comes to chewing the insoles out of my son's shoes that would be a huge success.

The thing is, the Pest ate my son's red modeling clay. Of course, it would have to be Red, not something that would blend in better on the beige carpet. I first realized that he'd gotten into it when I saw big red blotches in his stool and went to investigate. So, of course, subsequently I located red blotches on the bottom of my shoe. Later I found leftover bits and pieces chewed upon and into my carpet and noticed red between his teeth. I panicked at the red in his mouth thinking immediately that somehow he'd seriously cut up his mouth and was bleeding to death! Just another day in the life of a Pest out of control.

Controlling the Pest should be as easy as teaching him proper behavior but the Pest has a constant filtering system that weighs out the pros and cons of obeying. "Now she's telling me what to do, why?" "Is this just a suggestion or really a command?" You can see him considering his options. "She's not backing this order up with any food, so is she really serious?" "What will she do if I don't obey and is it worth it?" The "is it worth it" question doesn't take much time to process as the consequences for not obeying are not harsh. I don't believe in hitting your dog and generally try to follow The Dog Whisperer's philosophy of being the pack leader. Calm and assertive, that's me! So if I call for the Pest to "Come!" and he doesn't, then I go get him and repeat the command "Come!" which somehow seems to mean something like "Join me" at that point. And leaves me wondering who really is in control after all?

So what is control when you have a dog like Pest? What is it I really want to control about him? If he wasn't wild and crazy and somewhat naughty all the time, where is the fun in that? I got a dog ... not a dud. And like I said, I never intended to train him to entertain people and do tricks at their parties. Though he tells me that the party gig would be fine with him, as long as he got first dibs on the cake. If he's safe and happy and healthy and not too destructive too often then I'm happy with him and he's happy with me. And that works for us.